THE PREMISE of Nightmare World being that apparently last night you ate too much cheese while watching a low budget horror movie. You went to bed for a good nights sleep, only to wake up in a world of nightmares. Fair enough, although some of us don’t actually need to imbibe anything for that kinda thing to happen . . .
Play Nightmare World
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YOU REALLY couldn’t make it up . . . a selection of real life personal ads as found in an assortment of publications. Contact details have been omitted to protect the not-so-innocent . . .
HAVE VIAGRA Need woman. Any woman between 18 and 80.
HAVE 200 porn and adult mags - will exchange for lots of guns.
ALBINO HE-SHE seeks similar.
VIRGINITY. YES! Get in!
INCURABLE ROMANTIC seeks filthy whore.
NEMESIS WANTED: I’m 5′ 10″ into kayaking, books and conversation (by day), justice, honour and vengence (by night). Seeking arch-enemy, possibly crimelord or deformed megalomaniac.
GOOD LOOKING athletic, Notting Hill based movie star, millionaire, seeks gullible stunner.
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AN ALGERIAN chemist has been jailed for nine years for spraying a mixture of his own urine and faeces in shops and a pub, causing £700,000 in damage . . .
Sahnoun Daifallah, 42, hid the mixture in a 1.5 litre container, carried in a laptop bag cut so that the nozzle poked out during his attacks on Tesco and Morrisons supermarkets in England, last May.
Daifallah, who the court also heard fantasised about biological weapons, was also convicted of spraying children’s books at a Waterstones bookshop and in a Gloucestershire pub.
In total the attacks caused £700,000 in damages and lost business. Police also discovered stocks of the mixture and plans to spread it in other cities such as Bristol and Birmingham.
Daifallah, who has a degree in industrial chemistry was found guilty on four counts of contaminating food and sentenced to nine years in jail. He also had an offensive weapon - a catapult, for which he received a one year jail term. Deportation proceedings have also started.
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A MAN has been arrested for standing over an air conditioner intake using his genitals as a puppet . . .
Officers were alerted to the incident by residents of an apartment complex in Federal Way, Washington, after a man was seen standing above the air intake wearing only an unbuttoned shirt.
According to the official police report, the man was “apparently manipulating” his penis using a piece of string in a manner that was described as being, “like a puppet.”
Timothy Wayne Martin, 44, was arrested at the scene with the string still attached to his penis. He was also found to be in possession of a small amount of methamphetamine and a porn magazine.
He is now facing a charge of indecent exposure - for which he also has two prior convictions.
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A NURSERY school teacher has been sacked for spraying “smelly children” with air freshener . . .
Elizabeth Davies, 48 was accused of humiliating small children between the ages of three and six, who had wet themselves.
An investigation revealed that she sprayed them with air freshener in front of all the other children and then made them stand on newspaper until their parents came to collect them.
Mrs Davies, a teacher for 20 years, was suspended for 18 months from her position at Hafod primary School in Swansea, South Wales, whilst the investigation was underway. She was subsequently sacked after a disciplinary hearing upheld the allegations.
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FOR THOSE of us who are severely challenged in the “keeping plants alive” department, this game will present you with something completely alien . . . plants that grow faster than you can actually er, well, kill them . . . 
The challenge is to clear a path through what looks like a large bar of milk chocolate, but is in fact supposed to be a garden, before it becomes completely overgrown. Oh, and make sure you turn the sound on!
Play Bloomin’ Gardens
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IF YOUR brain cells require stimulation in the work place or you just like the idea of watching insects slowly meet a gruesome death, then the Desktop Carnivorous Plant Set might be just the thing you need . . .
Or if you’ve ever been undecided whether to own a pet or a plant . . . Well now’s your chance to grow your very own colourful collection of meat-sucking, out of this world, seriously mad flora. Or pet plant . . .
So, if you fancy whiling away those slow office hours with a Little Desktop of Horrors then check out:
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EVER FOUND yourself lost, confused or even bemused in the supermarket? Well, don’t panic - help is on its way . . . well, for those that don’t have internet access or prefer the actual misery of grocery shopping . . .
Scientists are working on a device which works like a sat nav to assist elderly shoppers that are baffled by changing layouts. Although in all fairness it’s not just the elderly that struggle to find stuff in the supermarket . . . but then they will insist on placing custard amongst the cat food and such like. And of course if folks didn’t get lost in the supermarket then well, they’d have to find something else to write songs about . . .
The sat nav for shoppers is part of government funded research at Newcastle, Aberdeen and Nottingham universities - into new ways of using digital technology to help the elderly and disabled.
Other ideas include a hi-tech kitchen featuring hidden sensors, projectors and electronics to assist Alzheimer’s patients live independently.
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YOU REALLY couldn’t make it up . . . another selection of oddball items for sale . . .
FOR SALE: One pair hardly used dentures, only 2 teeth ,issing. $100 ono.
FULL SIZE mattress - Royal Tonic, 20 year warranty. Like new. Slight urine smell $40.
USED TOILET paper for sale. I have a wide selection of brands and designs, call for details and prices.
TURKEY FOR SALE. Partially eaten. Only eight days old. Both drumsticks still intact. $23 obo.
PONY FOR SALE - looks like small horse.
FOR SALE small bag of children. Very heavy can deliver.
FOR SALE Bonsai tree - very large. £80.
FOR SALE: Holiday photos: Choice of ski, sun or city break. Ideal for anecdote or alibi.
HITACHI WASHING machine DX250, under warranty until kill kill kill, kill them all February 2004, in perfect working order. £180 ono.
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FANCY YOUR very own Petri Dish sized cuddly germs? They’re like the original Giant Microbes only well, smaller . . . oh and come complete with their very own home sorry, germ self-containment unit . . . 
Choose from 16 mini microbes ranging from Toxic Mold to an assortment of Poxes! Each one 6″ Petri Dish is filled with 3 mini Plush Microbes! Perfect for the juggling virologist - or just about anyone who enjoys a bit of a laugh for that matter!
So, if you fancy your very own cuddly, self-contained microbes then check out the following link:
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