The Gusty Gusset

TWO MEN who stole two 30ft bridges have been arrested after they tried to sell them to a scrapyard . . .

Police in Macedonia said that Nikodim Bozinovski and David Gorgievski had stolen two 30ft bridges from over the rivers Crna Reka and Rajec, piece by piece.

They were caught after a scrapyard dealer got suspicious when 20 trucks loaded with 200 tonnes of steel turned up at his yard. He called the police who subsequently traced the bridge parts to the two men.

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A PRIMARY school teacher in Austria is facing the sack after giving a class of nine-year-olds a lesson in swear words . . .

Michael Brechter, 57 who teaches at the Kematen Primary School in Upper Austria, asked his class to do their homework about words like ‘arse’, ’shit’, ‘moron’ and ‘tart’. His ultimate aim had been to demonstrate words that should not be used.

Mr Brechter claimed it was in an attempt to make school more lively and fun and that he hadn’t been teaching them anything they didn’t actually already know. Unfortunately the kid’s parents didn’t quite see it quite like that.

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IF YOU’VE got £65,000 to spare and fancy owning your very own personal submarine well, now you
can . . .

Dutch designers C-Quester have taken three years to perfect the tiny C-Quester subs which can dive to 50 metres and cruise beneath the waves at up to 4 knots using electric-propelled thrusters.

It can stay underwater for two-and-a-half hours at a time, or 36 hours in the event of an emergency.

There are currently two versions of the personal subs - the 9ft version seats one and the 11ft seats two.

This is the first time the public has ever been able to explore underwater in a one-atmosphere submarine. The vessel’s high-strength pressure hull allows the pilot to submerge in a totally dry cockpit and surface straight from the maximum depth without decompression problems.

And the snag? Well, even after forking out £65,000 for a shiny underwater beastie, you’re need to get yourself an underwater pilot’s license.

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A PSYCHIC museum in York is to close it’s doors - due to unforeseen circumstances . . .

Astrologer Jonathan Cainer set up his museum in 2003 but found that business has been less than expected.

Mr Cainer’s museum was only seeing 100 people per week through its doors during peak times and hopes to reopen at a later date with at least 100 people visiting every day.

As for not being able to predict the success of his own psychic museum, Mr Cainer claimed that he didn’t believe you could make predictions about things you are close to.

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POLICE ARRESTED a man dressed as Chewbacca for allegedly head-butting a tour guide . . .

Tour guide Brian Sapir had complained about Chewbacca’s treatment of two Japanese tourists. However having received the response “no-one tells this wookiee what to do!” he was subsequently headbutted by the enraged furry beast.

The incident occurred outside the landmark Grauman’s Chinese Theatre on Hollywood Boulevard. Street performers dress as movie and cartoon characters to collect tips from tourists who pose for photos in front of the theatre. Many tourists have already complained that some of the costumed characters have become abusive when they refuse to pay them to pose for pictures.

Chewbacca, alias Frederick Young was arrested and later released on a $20,000 bail pending trial.

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POLICE ARE puzzled as to why a Wiltshire village is being mysteriously decorated with pairs of knickers . . .

Around 30 pairs of knickers have been found adorning gravestones and road signs in the small village of Purton, near Swindon.

It seems that no-one has reported the items stolen, but then no-one has admitted to it being a joke either.

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A PROMOTIONAL exercise for a new TV cartoon resulted in a major security alert in Boston, Massachusetts . . .

Objects of a undetermined nature sprouting wires and flashing lights were found in a subway, bus station and below Interstate 93.

Major roads and bridges were closed off throughout the city as bomb squads investigated the suspect devices, destroying one package in a controlled explosion.

Turner Broadcasting, the Cartoon Network’s parent company finally confessed that it had been behind the confusion. The packages were in fact harmless and part of a promotion exercise for the new TV show Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

Apparently a similar exercise had already taken place in 9 other US cities - including New York and Los Angeles - all seemingly without provoking the intervention of a bomb disposal unit.

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