The Gusty Gusset

IF YOU have problems with the concept of packing light, the solution may be just in the air, quite literally . . .

The other problem with suitcases of course is that they take up a lot of room and can be quite heavy whereas inflatable luggage doesn’t quite have this problem.

A New York inventor has come up with the notion of inflatable suitcases that are lightweight, fold small and flat when not in use and become strong and rigid when inflated. The case walls are constructed from flat rubber chambers of air that are sandwiched between two tough canvas sheets. Both walls are hinged together, like a conventional suitcase, but are connected to a common air valve.

Air pumped into the main valve inflates the cylinders in the case walls and the whole case becomes structurally rigid for use.

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CALIFORNIAN COMPANY Genetic Savings and Clone - a firm that specialised in the cloning of pets has recently gone out of business after only cloning two cats.

The company cloned two cats in 2004, but had offered to clone more at fees ofup to $50,000 (approx £29,500).

Not everyone had been happy with the company though and if lobbyists had got their way the business might have folded earlier. However in 2005 Californian lawyers rejected a proposal aimed at banning the company from selling cloned pets. One year on and the Humane Society of the United States which had campaigned against the company from the outset, where now celebrating.

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BRITISH ARMS manufacturer BAE Systems is planning a new range of what it describes as being ‘environmentally friendly’ weapons - including the production of lead-free bullets.

Somewhat ironically BAE Systems claims it wants to design lead-free bullets so as not to ‘harm the environment and pose a risk to people.’

Plans for other environmentally friendly weapons include ‘quieter’ warheads as a means to cut ‘noise pollution and eco-friendly rockets. Scientists are apparently also developing bio-degradable explosives and grenades that produce less smoke.

BAE’s director is quoted as saying ‘weapons are going to be used, and when they are we try to make them as safe to the user as possible to limit the collateral damage.’ Followed by ‘We also try to impact as little as possible on the environment.’

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A CAT nicknamed Macavity regularly jumps on board the No. 331 bus in Wolverhampton, rides two stops and then disembarks by a fish and chip shop.

Since January the cat has stunned drivers by catching the bus three times a week and taking the same journey. Each time he waits at the bus stop and then jumps aboard as soon as the doors open, he then sits up front, waiting patiently for the right stop, before getting off.

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CALLS ARE GROWING in Poland for the ban of men wearing skirts on account of an increasing number of drunken Scottish men flashing their wares and upsetting locals.

According to locals it’s not possible to ‘go around the corner without seeing a Scot showing off what he’s got under his kilt while one of his mates photographs him!’

Poland has become a major destination for UK tourists in recent years largely thanks to the attraction of cheap beer. Authorities in major towns such as Warsaw and Krakow have already complained about drunken British tourists usually on stag parties, but now it’s claimed that drunken kilted Scots men have added a completely new and disturbing dimension.

Officials in the city of Wroclaw are already considering a ban on on kilts after being horrified by the increasingly large number of Scottish men who have been lifting their skirts to strangers. Local police on the other hand claim that a kilt ban would be impossible but have promised to crack down on partying Scots and ensure they keep their kilts down at all times.

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EALING COUNCIL in London is set to use secret cameras hidden in baked beans tins in order to catch local residents putting rubbish out on the wrong day . . .

They also plan to fit the tiny CCTV bugs inside house bricks and any householders caught breaking the strict new ‘rubbish rules’ will be fined up to £1,000.

The plan follows a two million pound scheme already adopted by six other councils to also fit the devices in wheelie bins. A Tory spokesman for Ealing said that the £200 movement-sensitive bugs would be a ‘vital tool’ in catching ‘wheelie bin mis-users and graffiti artists’.

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SCOTTISH POLICE are on the lookout for a naked pensioner who was spotted joyriding around a bowling green on a Shopmobility scooter.

The man, thought to be in his seventies was seen by a passer-by, who called the police out of concern that he might disturb small children at a nearby play area. However no sooner had the police been called than the man put his clothes back on and drove off.

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A WOMAN was arrested after she dumped her 8 week old baby on a tramp while she went shopping in Sainsbury’s.

The tramp waited for the thirty-five-year-old woman and her boyfriend to return, but after waiting for over an hour he handed the baby girl to shocked staff at the store. Police were then called and the couple were arrested at the scene.

The little girl was taken to hospital for a check-up and is now in the care of social services. The mother’s boyfriend was later released without charge.

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THE DIY antics of a 91 year-old German sparked a full scale rescue operation when he slipped and got stuck ‘like a beetle on its back’ in the tar he had been using to mend his roof.

Passers-by had been so shocked to see the elderly man working on the roof that they thought he was planning to commit suicide and so decided to call the police. He was in fact re-coating his roof with bitumen, but slipped and ended up on his back, with his arms and legs sprawled out and completely glued to the roof.

Fortunately firemen were able to free the man with the aid of ropes and ladders.

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AN ISRAELI airline flight to Vienna was delayed for several hours after a tiny bird flew into the cockpit and refused to leave. All 178 passengers had to leave the plane and wait in the passenger lounge while the airline brought in a professional bird catcher.

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