The Gusty Gusset

THANKS TO an interesting invention by the Kao Corporation of Japan it might soon be possible to rate a bad hair day on a scale of 1 to 10. The smart hairbrush currently in development, will be able to quantify the damage caused by treatments such as dyes and bleaching.

The hairbrush works by analysing sound as hair is brushed which the inventors claim reveals a considerable amount of information about the condition of the hair. The information is gathered from a microphone attached to a tiny
aluminium bar, which is buried amongst the prongs of the brush.

The microphone then picks up vibrations as hair is pulled across the aluminium bar, and a built-in strain gauge also records the resistance it experiences during brushing. A USB connection then feeds these measurements to a computer which compares the sound and level of resistance.

Tests undertaken in a Tokyo hair salon have demonstrated that hair in good condition makes far less noise than dirty hair with split ends. With loud sounds at high frequencies also indicating too much bleaching. It is believed that the brush could help hairdressers determine appropriate treatment for their clients.

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A PENSIONER from Rosdorf in Schleswig Holstein, Germany accidentally posted her pet mog to her nephew.

Fortunately the moggy was discovered by a postman at the central sorting office, who upon realising there was an animal inside the package, immediately notified the police.

Edith Schonberg said she hadn’t even noticed her mog was missing as she thought it was still asleep in the airing cupboard. It’s believed that Felix, her three year old tom, must have climbed into the packaging while she left the room to locate some cellotape.

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A GERMAN man was arrested after he climbed into an emergency postbox for unwanted babies while drunk.

Medical staff got more than they bargained for when they discovered 28 year-old Heinrich Mueller instead of an abandoned baby.

Mueller had been on a night out when for reasons that no doubt made sense to him at the time, decided to climb into the emergency post box, thereby sliding down a chute and ending up in an emergency incubator.

Staff, alerted by an alarm, then discovered Mueller smoking a cigarette. Mueller then fell asleep while staff worked out how to get him out of the incubator.

The emergency baby deposit boxes scheme across Germany and Austria started five years ago. It came into effect after an increasing number of young mums, unable to cope with their newborns had been abandoning them on the streets.

The baby boxes provide a safe, no questions asked alternative to the problem, and since the scheme started it has saved the lives of hundreds of babies.

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A PENSIONER from Blackpool has been told he faces legal action if he puts sand that blew into his garden back onto the beach.

Seventy-nine year-old Arthur Bulmer who lives opposite the beach in Lytham St Annes has been threatened with prosecution by council officials for what they bizarrely consider to be fly-tipping. If found guilty he could be fined £50,000 or even be sent to jail.

Recent storms left gardens, roads and footpaths in the area covered in tons of sand, up to 20ft deep in places.

Mr Bulmer said it was crazy since he was sure his sand was cleaner than the stuff on the beach because that got covered with dog muck. The sand wasn’t his, it had invaded his property from across the road and he was only trying to do what was right for the environment and save the council a job.

Now he will have to use a specialist waste disposal firm which will cost him an unbelievable £500 to shift the council’s sand.

A spokesperson for Fylde borough council said that the council had no responsibility to clear sand from private land an that dumping anything from your garden onto the beach constituted fly-tipping.

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A TREE climbing cat in Norfolk has recently set up home in a bird’s nest. The stray cat apparently only leaves the nest to beg at a local woman’s back door, and then having been fed, it returns to its newly acquired home in the cherry tree.

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A GARDENER from London has broken the furniture land speed record by clocking up and unbelievable 92mph on a sofa.

Marek Turowski broke the existing record at Bruntingthorpe Aerodrome in Leicester on a two mile track used by the MOD for top secret defence projects. It was witnessed and verified by a Guinness Book of World Records Representative.

The sofa was built by Edd China who since 1998 had held the existing record of 87mph. The speedy sofa was built by sofa.com and is road legal. Soon it will be seen touring the streets of London where the sofa retailer is based.

Mr Turowski bought his go on the sofa through an eBay auction - where all the proceeds went to the Foundation for the Study of Infant Deaths (FSID).

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AN ITALIAN family that couldn’t quite accept that their darling young relative was in reality, actually an under achiever, took their frustrations out on a school principal . . .

Three male relatives including the child’s father and grandfather punched and pushed principal Ugo Castorina at Lombardi middle school in Bari. It seemed they were angry with the grades the child had received on a recent report card, as well as being annoyed at a recent ban by Castorina on mobile phone usage at the school. Castorina was subsequently taken to hospital where he was treated for mild contusions.

Castorina no doubt echoed the thoughts of many teachers when he told reporters that although people may not like it, standards must be set and rules respected if a school is to function.

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FOR THE last 10 years a 46 year-old Chinese woman has been washing her family’s clothes while sleep-walking.

At least ten times a year Mrs Xu washes her family’s clothes in the middle of the night and has no recollection of doing so the following morning. In fact she even praises her husband for being so helpful.

Mr Xu has since installed locks on the door to prevent his wife from leaving the house and doing their neighbours laundry.

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EVER BEEN stuck for an excuse? Well, a new online shop might be able to help you out in the future . . .

Everyday excuses typically cost the equivalent of 80p, whereas an excuse for ending a relationship is about £8.40. So far the most expensive excuse is the marriage proposal and will set punters back more than £100. There is however a discount though if you buy more than one excuse at a time.

As to whether the excuses work or not, well Tuofu, which means “bring fortune to people” claims that it can only guarantee excuses will be well-received as opposed to their ability to succeed. Ah, the hypocrisy of the good old “get
out” clause.

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A TREE SURGEON from Marlborough, New Zealand had to be rescued by helicopter after he broke his leg while up a 130ft tree. Unfortunately for him he sustained further injuries when the helicopter accidentally swung him into another tree while trying to rescue him from the first. He is now said to be in a stable condition in Wairau hospital.

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