The Gusty Gusset

THE BIG CHEESES as the notorious Sellafield plant have just spent £1.6 million on changing its name to . . . Sellafield Limited.

Although the owners - the Nuclear Decommissioning Authority believe the re-branding to be money well spent.

The new logo consists of the “new” name, a blue circle and three way lines. Vehicles, signs, stationery and uniforms will all be changed to carry the new design.

A Sellafield insider, who clearly lacked anything remotely resembling common sense remarked “it’s a change of image - the idea is to get rid of the word nuclear from the title. Everyone knows what Sellafield stands for - the new name’s just much simpler.”

The NDA claim that the £1.6 million was part of a national rebranding exercise and was absolutely essential . . .

Campaigners, like most people with even the slightest modicum of common sense believe it to be an unbelievable waste of money - money that could for example have been better spent on cleaning the place up, building a local hospital or investing it in other aspects of the local community.

 Email this post to a friend  |   Leave a comment

A WOMAN had to be rescued by firefighters after falling head first into a recycling bin. Another recycler apparently discovered a pair of feet sticking out of the unwanted clothes bin, and raised the alarm.

The woman had taken some clothes to the recycling bin at Asda’s in Sittingbourne, Kent, when she changed her mind and tried to retrieve them. Unfortunately she got trapped in the opening and fire fighters ha to use hydraulic cutting equipment in order to free her.

 Email this post to a friend  |   Leave a comment

AUSTRIAN POLICE were called out to an unusual emergency when a student, driven mad by soaring temperatures, lost the plot and started throwing furniture out of a third floor window.

Officers sealed off an entire street so as to prevent passers by being assaulted by an assortment of furniture including chairs, tables and a bed - all of which were being hurled in a fit of rage, from the window of a third floor flat.

A 21 year-old theatre studies student was eventually arrested and taken to hospital and treated for sunstroke.

 Email this post to a friend  |   Leave a comment

ROMANIAN POLICE arrested a naked man with no hands for drink driving. Their attention was drawn to a car which was seen swerving from side to side on a busy road and were shocked to discover it was being “driven” by a 23 year-old naked disabled man.

The man had no driving licence but told the police he’d developed his own special way of driving. And as for being naked well, apparently that was due to his having been sunbathing on a nudist beach and was travelling home in a hurry so didn’t have time to get dressed.

As for being drunk, well he didn’t quite get away with that one either - he was twice over the legal alcohol limit and was charged with dangerous driving.

 Email this post to a friend  |   Leave a comment

A GREAT-GRANDMOTHER from Fulham, West London received an official complaint from her local council, about the level of noise - from birdsong in her garden.

The letter from environmental health complained about the noise “allegedly” arising from her premises during the early hours - however 65 year-old Dorothy Berry has not kept birds inside her home since her pet cockatiel died last year. She did however admit to owning a garden where blackbirds sang in the trees and atop her aerial.

 Email this post to a friend  |   Leave a comment

IRANIAN POLICE have reportedly taken fourteen squirrels into custody on spying charges.

The Islamic Republic News Agency (IRNA) claims that the creatures were allegedly found near the Iranian border equipped with eavesdropping devices.

The squirrels were found sporting devices belonging to foreign intelligence agencies and were captured by police officers.

 Email this post to a friend  |   Leave a comment

YOU REALLY couldn’t make it up . . . a selection of curious finds in the property section of assorted publications. Contact details have been omitted to protect the not-so-innocent . . .

FOR RENT: 6-room hated apartment.

THIS IS the model home for your future. It was panned by Better Homes and Gardens.

FULLY FURNISHED Halifax from £100 pw. No pets.

 Email this post to a friend  |   Leave a comment