The Gusty Gusset

A COW is in custody after causing traffic accidents that killed at least 6 people . . .

The cow, described as being white and 1.5 metres tall, was standing in the midle of a main road in the Cambodian capital of Phom Penh when a motorcyclist collided with it and died.

The cow was also responsible for an accident that killed five people earlier this year. A truck veered off the road and crashed as its driver swerved to try and avoid the animal.

the cow is now being held at a police station. It’ owner had apparently been warned four times and told he must keep his cattle tied up or he would face time in jail.

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ARMED POLICE surrounded a car in Germany after reports of a masked criminal, only to find a large stuffed toy instead . . .

The woman who called the police had been returning to her car late at night in the city of Wuppertal. She claimed to have sighted the masked criminal through the window of a parked van.

Armed police arrived on the scene in three cars and surrounded the van. They found a large toy beaver strapped into the passenger seat.

A police spokesperson said he struggled to see how the toy, which had two oversized front teeth and was completely covered in fur, could possibly be mistaken for a person.

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A MOGGY called Ziggy after Ziggy Stardust, the character created by David Bowie in the 70’s, because like Bowie, he had one green and one blue eye, survived 17 days without food during a 2,300 mile journey from northern Israel to England.

Ziggy’s journey when he accidentally wandered into a consignment of plastic goods which were then sealed in a 40ft container in Afula in Israel, and shipped from Haifa on October 31st.

When the container was finally opened at a Lancashire warehouse, workers were amazed to see a fluffy white cat shoot out. The RSPCA were called and although the cat had survived 17 days without food and water, it also managed to evade capture for 5 hours.

Ziggy’s background remains a mystery although because he’s so friendly he’s believed to have been someones pet. He now faces 6 months quarantine in Britain as a precaution against rabies.

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DOCTORS AND PATIENTS were shocked when a hungry bear sporting a can on its head broke into a psychiatric hospital in Romania. It seems the bear went berserk after getting the can stuck on its head and in the process smashed down the entrance door and charging through the hospital’s corridors.

Hunters were called and the poor animal had to be sedated because it was so agitated, before being released unarmed, into the woods.

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A DRUNKEN man tried to outrun the police on a lawnmower with a case of beer strapped to the front . . .

Michael Ginevan of Bunker Hill, West Virginia was driving a lawnmower on Runnymeade Road for about a mile from his home when officers tried to pull him over.

Ginevan allegedly ignored the cops and “sped” away so an officer gave chase on foot. Ginevan still wouldn’t stop and when the officer caught up with him he was dragged off the machine.

Ginevan then refused to take a sobriety test and was subsequently arrested. He was charged with driving while under the influence and obstructing an officer. He was held at Eastern Regional Jail on a $7,500 bond.

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A CONVENT in Bari, Italy is being shut down following a fight that broke out between its last three remaining nuns. The fight resulted in the Mother Superior receiving hospital treatment for a scratched face and the local archbishop intervening by asking the Vatican permission to close the convent.

The Clarissa nuns are regarded as the most austere order of the Roman Catholic Church - devoted to a life of prayer, penance and supposedly quiet contemplation. However Sisters Annamaria and Gianbattista claim they were driven to distraction by the habits of their Mother Superior and became so angry that they ended up turning on her - scratching her face and throwing her to the ground.

The two nuns have subsequently transferred to a nearby convent leaving their Mother Superior - Sister Liliana, barricaded inside. Sister Liliana says she has no intention of leaving the convent which has been her home for the past 44 years and has written to the Pope informing him that she will only leave when God decides that it is time to go.

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COMMENTATORS WERE reputedly left red-faced when they has to comment on a tennis match between two players named Wang and King.

The players: Yeu-Tzuoo Wang and Phillip King were taking part in the Thai Open match, held in Bangkok and commentators had no alternative but to say their last names - one after the other during long rallies - especially since Wang was in the lead and subsequently won the match.

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YOU REALLY couldn’t make it up . . . a selection of curious finds in the lost and found section of assorted publications. Contact details have been omitted to protect the not-so-innocent . . .

LOST SMALL apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.

FOUND GINGER and white Halifax area.

DEPRESSED DOG found Wheatley area.

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