The Gusty Gusset

A MACABRE new range of soft toys has just been launched, although they’re not what you might consider to be of the cuddly variety . . .

The first toy to be launched by Compost Communications in their Road Kill Range is Twitch the Racoon which comes complete with its very own body bag to keep the maggots out.

Twitch also comes complete with an identity tag which reveals it was in fat “run over by a milk float last Thursday, near the Hangar Lane Giratory system in London”.

The toy allows features a tyre mark across its back and a zip on either side so as to allow the owner to remove Twitch’s innards and then stuff them back inside again . . .

Other forthcoming road kill toys include Grind the rabbit, pop the weasel and Splodge the hedgehog and are targeted at “people with a sense of humour” and “who probably aren’t easily upset”.

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A MAN was beaten by his fiancé and in-laws in India after they discovered he was bald and wore a wig . . .

Prabir Das, 33 of Dispur in Assam, who works in a private hospital, had advertised in the matrimonial columns of a local paper and Dip Roy, seeking a match for his daughter Sreshta, had responded.

The wedding was fixed for the 12th of December and the bride’s family began putting together her dowry.

However after meeting at a family gathering his fiancé discovered that Mr Das was wearing a wig, albeit an expensive one and forcibly removed it before ripping it apart. She then began beating and abusing him for hiding his bald head.

Her parents then joined in relieving him of his wallet, mobile phone, motorbike and driver’s licence for what they deemed as ‘penalty’ for his deception.

Mr Das reported the mugging to the police, but the family deny any wrong doing, although strangely enough the wedding does appear to be off.

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A CHAIN of 12 restaurants on a toilet theme has opened in Taiwan . . .

All the seats in the Modern Toilet restaurants are toilet-shaped and tables are made out of washbasins. Napkins are dispensed from tabletop toilet rolls, crockery is either in the shape of a toilet or washbasin and even the food is made to look like human waste.

Interestingly enough the owner claims the restaurants are attracting young diners - although you can just imagine the pitch to the business manager can’t you?

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A CAT is baffling his owner by going out every night and then waiting to be collected every morning at exactly the same time and place . . .

Twelve-year-old Sgt Podge, a Norwegian Forest Cat leaves his home in Bournemouth on an evening and then waits for his owner every morning, on a pavement one and a half miles away.

Apparently it’s become such a routine that his pet parent Liz Bullard now collects him every morning after she’s dropped her son off at school. Even making special trips to collect him at weekends and holidays.

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AN AMERICAN seriously injured himself after trying to loosen a stiff wheel-nut with his shotgun . . .

The 66-year-old man, who no doubt somewhat understandably wishes to remain nameless, was trying to change the car tyre outside his home when the accident occurred.

He’d managed to remove all the wheel-nuts bar one which had steadfastly refused to budge, so he decided to shoot at it from arm’s length with a 12-gauge shotgun.

Peppered with buckshot and debris, he sustained injuries from his feet to the middle of his abdomen, with some of the pellets even reaching as high as his chin.

The man, who incidentally police described as being sober, was taken to hospital with severe, but not life-threatening injuries.

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A BEAR is suspected of stealing a people carrier and going for a drive . . .

New Jersey police found the abandoned vehicle at the side of the road with the passenger window broken and several damaged door panels. Although it was the bear hair tha they discovered inside the vehicle that suggested just who the joyrider must have been.

It seemed that the bear had managed to release the handbrake allowing the car to roll away from the owner’s house. It’s thought the bear was attracted by some sweets inside the car, although it could have just fancied going for a spin.

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GERMAN TOURIST officials have been criticised for allowing an axe wielding serial killer to appear on a children’s Christmas advent calendar . . .

The calendar, which is already on sale at tourism offices features images of children singing Christmas carols, a laughing Santa, fairy lights, the Star of Bethlehem and a trilby sporting, meat cleaver brandishing serial killer.

Officials have defended the inclusion of mass murderer Fritz Haarmann by claiming he was part of Hanover’s history. Haarmann killed 24 men then chopped up their corpses and threw them into the river Leine. He was sentenced to death in 1925.

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YOU REALLY couldn’t make it up . . . some personal ads really do just beggar belief . . . contact details omitted to protect the not-so-innocent . . .

MAN HONEST. Will take anything.

HAVE YOU got the type of lifestyle I want? Are you thin, attractive and kind? I’m not perfect but you’ll love me anyway and if you’re lucky I’ll share me with you.

MEET ME who am I? I have no clue? Every time I think I know who I . . .

HAVE YOU got what I want? Let me give you a chance - let me try you out

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