The Gusty Gusset

DID YOU KNOW that out of the hundreds of thousands of calls received by emergency services in the UK every month, a large proportion are from time wasters . . . ?

Biarre, but non-emergency calls have included a ’severely traumatised’ woman who was convinced her world was going to end, not because she’d had a bad accident, but because she’d broken a finger nail. And another woman who, while driving on the M1, in her infinite wisdom decided to use her mobile to call 999 to find out the time.

And just in case you were smugly thinking it’s only stupid women who abuse the system, there’s plenty of stupid men out there too. Like the man who called 999 to complain that he couldn’t get any sleep due to birds singing on his roof. Or the man that rang to complain about two squirrels fighting in his garden. Quite what either of them expected the emergency services to do is another matter entirely.

One of the funniest though had to be an emergency call made to South Wales Police by a man who clearly didn’t have the bottle to stand up to his mother-in-law, and requested that they come and take her away because she’d been there for 18 days.

(more…)

POLICE STOPPED a motorist on suspicion of being a terrorist and found him to be in possession of a radioactive cat . . .

American anti-terror police in the St Juan area of Washington State detected the radiation with their specialist detectors. The car was stopped and searched however no suspicious substance was found. The only other passenger was a cat which had recently undergone radiation therapy for cancer.

 Email this post to a friend  |   Leave a comment

DID YOU KNOW that Sherlock Holmes wasn’t actually a real person? Of course you did - didn’t you?

Well, if you didn’t then sadly you’re not alone since apparently a large proportion of the British population believe that fictitious figures such as Holmes existed in real life, yet believe real life historical figures such as Gandhi, Churchill and Florence Nightingale to be works of fiction.

Kind of ironic really given that Holme’s creator Sir Arthur Conan Doyle spent the majority of his life trying to convince people that Holmes really was just fiction while simultaneously trying to get them to believe in spiritualism.

In the results of a survey undertaken by viewers of UKTV Gold, Robin Hood was another classic faux pas with some 51% of respondents believing him to have been 100% real as opposed to the stuff of myth and legend. Although some 47% of those questioned didn’t believe in the actual existence of Richard the Lionheart which is also ironic given that he’s about the only character in the Robin Hood story to have actually existed. Those history lessons were obviously well worth it.

It gets worse though since another survey, this time by Walt Disney Studios Home Entertainment and the Royal Astronomical Society revealed that British primary children identified Winston Churchill as being the first man to walk on the moon. Which given that they also believed Churchill to be the nodding dog as seen in UK insurance commercials, it’s really quite a sad indication of the state of British science education.

Especially given that a third of the kids surveyed also thought Mars was a chocolate bar and didn’t even believe Earth to be a planet . . . oh dear . . .

UKTV Gold survey

 Email this post to a friend  |   Leave a comment

EVER WONDERED just how much caffeine is too much caffeine? Or maybe thought it’s probably better to stay in denial?

Watch this hilarious classic clip from the good ‘ol Muppet Labs as Dr Bunsen Honeydew experiments on poor old Beaker to find out.

 Email this post to a friend  |   Leave a comment

DID YOU KNOW that the dreaded comb-over, fold-over or whatever your pet name is for it, was actually patented? Which might go some way to explain such hideous artistic variations as the walnut whip and the gel over . . .

On December 23rd, 1975 Donald Smith and his father Frank Smith from Orlando, Florida filed patent application: #4022227 for a method of styling hair to cover partial baldness using only the hair on a person’s head. Unbelievably they were actually awarded the patent on May 10th, 1977.

The hair styling requires dividing a person’s hair into three sections and carefully folding one section over another. As demonstrated in the seriously disturbing images that accompanied the actual patent application.

Not entirely sure how they enforced their patent, but you can just imagine the “excuse me sir, but it appears your hairstyle isn’t actually licensed” which is probably a little more tactful than “do you know what you look like?” or “just who do you think you’re kidding?!”

The collective brains behind the comb-over were rewarded for their decidedly dodgy contribution to society with an Ig Nobel Award for Engineering in 2004.

And while we’re on the subject you might be interested to know that someone has actually made Comb-over: The Movie. No, really. Someone actually trailed the length and breadth of America in a humorous search for the ultimate comb-over . . .

Comb Over Patent #4022227
Combover: The Movie
Ig Nobel: Prizes awarded for improbable research

 Email this post to a friend  |   Leave a comment

IF YOU’RE LOOKING to win the affections of the opposite sex it’s probably not a good idea to go around injecting them with some of your own blood . . . or anyone else’s for that matter . . .

A 22 year old Cambodian man was arrested by police for allegedly assaulting a woman with his own blood in a somewhat misguided attempt to win her affections.

The man apparently fell in love with the 21 year old victim when they were classmates in 2004. Then, after she refused his advances he came up with the novel idea of injecting her with his own blood. According to the police he seemed to think that if he could not marry her at least some of his blood could stay in her body.

The poor woman was assaulted with a syringe to the rib cage as she walked home from school.

Kind of gives a whole new meaning to the phrase ‘giving blood’ . . .

 Email this post to a friend  |   Leave a comment

WHO SAID SCIENCE isn’t any fun? At the excellent weird and wonderful Science Matters you can buy your very own Cuddly Scientists or Giant Microbes - cuddly toys in the shape of a microbe no less.

It’s aimed at teaching primary and secondary school science the fun way, but don’t let that put you off - it’s really all about having fun and learning cool stuff whatever your age.

So if you’ve ever fancied owning your very own plush Acne Pimple, Chickenpox, E.coli or Mad Cow cuddly toy, then here’s the place to go.

And if none of those take your fancy there’s plenty of others to choose from.

Quirky and highly amusing, though probably best not to substitute a cuddly Mange toy for a small child’s teddy since it’s highly likely they’ll be having nightmares . . .

Science Matters
Giant Microbes

 Email this post to a friend  |   Leave a comment

AN UNATTENDED TURNIP caused a bomb scare at the office of an Indiana law firm.

The incident which lasted for a number of hours, arose after an employee opened a package and discovered what he thought to be a suspicious looking bag inside and called 911. The city’s bomb squad turned up with a robot which duly carried the suspect package out into the carpark. Although X-rays revealed no sign of an explosive it was decided that they would detonate the package using a water cannon, just to be on the safe side.

Having done so, the box was then opened to reveal sandwich bag containing a turnip, wrapped in lettuce coloured tissue paper. Quite who the unusual gift was intended for is still unknown.

 Email this post to a friend  |   Leave a comment

A GERMAN PENSIONER went into hospital for an operation on her leg only to awake from surgery to discover she had in fact been given a new anus.

The woman is somewhat understandably suing the clinic in Bavaria, which has since suspended the surgical team for mixing up her notes with those of another patient who was suffering from incontinence.

However it doesn’t resolve the fact that she still needs her leg operating on and she is said to be looking to get it done elsewhere.

 Email this post to a friend  |   Leave a comment

A MAN who was found to be in possession of 1,000 pairs of women’s knickers has been ordered by a judge to stop stealing them from washing lines or be jailed.

Paul Whitaker from Keighley, West Yorkshire, England was wrestled to the ground by an unamused householder after being caught stealing knickers from a washing line in nearby Silsden. Whitaker already had three previous convictions for stealing knickers and had also been arrested in a field wearing a bra, lacy knickers, stockings and a suspender belt.

 Email this post to a friend  |   Leave a comment