The Gusty Gusset

A PENSIONER ended up in hospital after a dispute over a piece of cake at an all-you-can-eat-buffet . . .

The incident took place at the counter of a restaurant in Novate Milanese in northern Italy. As seventy-year-old Niccolo Bruno reached for the last piece of cake, another pensioner, Alfredo Mancini, 62 who clearly also had his eyes on the cake, stabbed him with his dinner knife.

Bruno was taken to hospital and was treated for the stab wound before being released. Mancini was arrested by an off-duty police officer as he tried to hobble out of the restaurant with the aid of his walking stick. He now faces jail charges of causing bodily harm.

What’s not clear though is whether Bruno actually got to enjoy his piece of cake . . .

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A FIREARMS instructor has been assigned other duties after his gun accidentally discharged while he was instructing a class on weapons safety . . .

The incident occurred in New Bedford, Massachusetts as Major Donald Lamar demonstrated to Bristol County deputy sheriffs just how to safely holster a weapon. The handgun discharged and the bullet ripped a hole in his pants but missed his leg and foot.

Lamar had apparently been a certified firearms instructor since 2005 but has since been relieved of his firearm and assigned other duties while the matter is being investigated.

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TWO PENNSYLVANIAN men suffered severe shocks while trying to steal live power lines . . .

Daniel Jay Basinger and Kevin Lee Lytle from Confluence were both shocked during the attempted theft of the cables that were still attached to a transformer and utility poles.

The incident disrupted power to the surrounding area for about five hours and caused $1,500 worth of damage.

Both men where charged (pun intended) with the attempted theft, but only Basinger was well enough to attend his arraignment . . . perhaps they were after a Darwin Award . . .

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WITH A title like Tossers and Arseblowers though your expectations are really going to be high . . .

Subtitled An Alternative Romp Through Europe the author sets about documenting all that is quirky and downright bizarre in the way of European customs. From an American perspective that is - not that America doesn’t play host to more than it’s fair share of the bizarre of course . . .

Still, from a rigor mortis procession and a baby jumping festival in Spain to arse blowing in France and the order of the priceless sardine - prepare to be amused . . .

Although for some reason it doesn’t seem to include wall top tapping and stick waving . . .

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IN A STORY more reminiscent of Tom and Jerry a cat chased a mouse around an Albanian power station coming to a somewhat abrupt end amidst some high voltage cables and causing the city of Tirana to be without power for 72 hours.

Albanians have complained for decades about the frequency of power cuts which are usually blamed on drought and the dilapidated state of the communist era grid. However staff at the power company now have a new excuse and apparently even took photos of the poor electrocuted animals to prove it. In the name of all that’s decent though, you won’t be finding copies of them here

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BORED WITH the somewhat uninspiring choice of traditional smellies or just looking for something that rates a little higher on the bonkers to barmy scale?

Well, that ever-so-special fragrance you’re looking for might just be amongst an amusing range of novelty smellies that include eau de Play-Doh, eau de sawdust and the not-so-wining combination of eau de whisky and tobacco . . .

And if none of those intoxicating delights take your fancy (can’t imagine why not), there’s always good ol’ eau de glue (no, really), eau de crayons and of course everyones favourite . . . eau de paint . . . well, maybe not

Intrigued? Check out more odd fragrances here.

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Thought you were having a bad day? Spare a thought for this guy . . .

A MAN who was involved in a car accident and then witnessed his house go up in flames as he was being airlifted to hospital, also received a ticket for his troubles.

Forty-two-year-old Justin Hill from Rock Island, Tennessee was hit by a car as he tried to make a left turn out of his driveway. Having heard the crash, his wife ran outside, leaving her cooking unattended.

Within minutes the house was on fire and the fire-fighters who had responded to the initial accident found themselves also having to tackle the blaze.

Although Hill was treated and later released from hospital with minor injuries, the house suffered extensive damage. Hill was also fined for apparently failing to yield at the junction and thereby causing the accident in the first place.

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YOU REALLY couldn’t make it up . . . another selection of real advertisements that have appeared in the classifieds of assorted British newspapers. Contact details have been omitted to protect the not-so-innocent . . .

TRAVEL DOG used once from spain airport £80 ono.

RECLINING ELECTRIC pink flowered £150.

PLAYFUL CHILD £5.

BAG OF black things - all very black. Can deliver if you live near me, £1.50.

PORTABLE PORCH £55.

SIP HANDY mate £65.

DOG GAUGE extra large for extra large dog £40.

EXTENDING ALUMINIUM £45.

UNDER FLOOR 12″ top £175.

LARGE STURDY average condition £15.

SET OF four wheels for car - all different sizes, slightly used, bargain £150.

REEBOK MIND and body £5.

FERM BUM router £8 ONO.

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